Red Headed, Red Bellied...What's the Difference?

My seven-year-old has become a bird watcher of sorts.  He has bird books, researches birds, and spends as much time as we'll let him outside watching the birds.  Bird watcher, right?  And he's at the point now where he rarely sees a bird he doesn't know. 

His momma on the other hand, not so much!  Consider the conversation below Exhibit A:

(Momma looks out back and sees a woodpecker)

Cameron, look, there's a Red-headed Woodpecker back here.

 

(Child excitedly comes to the window) Where?

 (pause)  Oh, that's a Red-bellied Woodpecker, Mom.  The Red-headed ones have a totally red head. 

(walks away)  I already saw a Red-bellied Woodpecker today.

(Has a moment of sensitivity)  But it was nice to see a second one.  Thanks, Mom.

This momma now knows more than she did before! 

Ash Wednesday and Shame

Yesterday was Ash Wednesday and we had worship at church last night.  During one part of the worship service each of us had a small piece of paper.  We were to write a sin that we are wanting to address on one side and on the other side we were to write a commitment we are willing to make regarding how we will address it. 

After giving the instructions for this activity, while people were reflecting and writing, I moved down to a pew near my children.  The four-year-old came over to me and asked what he was supposed to do.  I explained that he was to write or draw a bad choice that he had recently been making and then on the other side to write or draw what the better choice would be (I figured this was the best way to quickly explain it).

Before I tell you what happened next, let me fill you in on something that's been happening at our house.  The four-year-old has been making bad choices at school.  This child, who is the apple of his teacher's eye, is stressing her out.  Where he used to correct other children who made bad choices, this week he was caught encouraging other children to make bad choices.  While his teacher used to just be able to look at him or call his name and have him correct his own behavior, lately he has just looked her in the eye and continued on with the wrong behavior.  So, we've been having some conversations in our house about the importance of making good choices.

After I explained the task, the four-year-old did not want to participate.  So, I told him I would write for him.  When he didn't say what he wanted me to write, I said, "How about we put 'Not listening to my teacher' on the bad choice side and 'Listen to my teacher' on the other side."  As I suggested this, I also wrote those words.  When I was done, I went to hand the paper back to him but he wanted nothing to do with it.  In fact, as we moved to the next thing in the service, which entailed people bringing their papers forward and nailing them to a cross, he lay quietly but passionately on the front pew kicking and pushing everything away. 

And I knew he was ashamed. 

This is my child who does not like to talk about his bad choices.  He doesn't even make eye contact in those conversations.  He just doesn't even want to acknowledge what he did and certainly doesn't want someone else to either.

My heart broke as I watched him.  As a mother I want to create a safe place for my children - no matter what is going on, no matter what they have done, no matter what we need to talk about.  Although I know some use it as a parenting tactic, my goal is never to shame my children into submission or correct behavior.  As a parent who is a person of faith I understand that I do what I do because it is what I experience from God.  I understand God to be one who offers us safe space, one to whom we can come with our ugliest stuff and be received in love. 

This season of Lent that we have entered is not an easy season because it asks us to be honest about our stuff...especially that stuff we don't want to talk about.  I know it's not easy, but I also believe this is so important. 

Watching the four-year-old on the front pew made me aware again of how important it is that we create safe spaces in families, in churches, in all sorts of communities...and that we keep offering safe space even through the many occasions when it can't be accepted. 

In the end, after everyone else was done, the four-year-old decided he wanted me to go with him and we did nail his paper to the cross.  Maybe that's a step in finding his way to the space that is here for him.

Jesus: As Played by Green Blankie

This picture may just look like a little boy cuddling with his carefully placed blankies, but it's so much more than that.

Tonight my husband and I had a date night (so thankful for our babysitter!).  We came home shortly after bedtime and imagine this...the four-year-old was still awake.  He came out to greet us and then led me back to his room to see his bed which he had made.  After great excitement on my part, I tucked him in and returned to the living room.

A few minutes later he reappeared.  I was ready to scold him and send him quickly back to his room when he said, "Mommy, you have to come see.  I rolled my green blankie... (dramatic pause)... and it's just like baby Jesus."

Guess who headed down the hall with the four-year-old because yes, I had to see.

"See, Mommy, the green blankie is Jesus and the blue one over him is his blankie."

After tucking him back in, I walked out of his room wondering if he was a child of deep faith or just a really good salesman who knows his audience! 

On High Scores and Blowing Bubbles

Aren't children wonderful? 

Isn't it great how they remind us of the little things that matter?

Don't you delight when they share their joy?

At our house the delight came in two places this weekend...

The seven-year-old learned how to blow bubbles with his bubble gum and the four-year-old got the high score on "Temple Run" (please lecture me later about how much time my children should spend with electronics and just rejoice with him at his 600,000+ score).

High scores and blowing bubbles.  Are these the things lives are built on?  Are these the most important skills my children will have?  Are these even really all that important?  You can answer "no" to all of those questions and I won't challenge your answer.

But, what I am reminded of (thanks to high scores and bubbles) is the importance of finding joy. 

What has brought you so much joy lately that you had to share it with someone else? 

What has sent you off to your spouse, friend, parent, co-worker, or child to say with pride, "Look!  Look what I did!"?

What little joy in your life makes you smile and feel good and feel accomplished? 

Beginning 2013: A Big Small Thing

Sometime in the past...perhaps last year, perhaps longer ago...I remember reading on another blog (forgive me for not remembering whose) a comment about realizing that it was important to not be too busy to go to the bathroom when you need to.

Sounds a little basic, huh?  A little like something we learned when we were three or four.  A little like something we try to teach the three and four years olds around us.

But I find myself frequently realizing that nature is calling and then deciding to just finish this one last thing...wash the little one's hair, write the last couple sentences of the sermon, make one more phone call.  And every time I do this, even as I forge ahead into that one last thing, I remember the advise of some brilliant blogger.

So, as 2013 begins, I'm not making big resolutions (certainly not ones I know I'll abandon by next week).  But I am going to try to do this one small...but big...thing.  I'm going to try to go when I need to go.

And maybe, just maybe, this is about more than bladder relief.  Perhaps when I pay attention to that one small (or not so small) thing, perhaps I'll find myself slowing down to pay attention to other small (or not so small) things as well.

When a Kiss is a Prayer

I am often aware when I kiss my children's heads at night that the act of my lips touching their hair is more than a gesture between parent and child, it is a prayer...a word of thanks and awe to the divine.

Today many of us have been glued to the television or internet following word of too many lives cut too short in Connecticut.  We have watched the tears of our president, we have anticipated updates from our newscasters, we have cried at the reality of others' pain.  And all of us have been imaging the horror of such an experience being visited upon our families, our communities, our children, our grandchildren.

We have hugged our children a little tighter.

We have been a little gentler and a little more patient with them.

And our kisses today have truly become our prayers...

As we have given thanks for the lives of these wondrous little ones among us...

As we have sat in awe of the love that bursts from our hearts at the mere mention of them...

As we have wondered how we would survive the loss of one of them...

As we have asked God to help we humans become more human...

As we have asked God to offer protection...

As we have said thank you for God's presence and love even when we don't understand.

Choosing December's Language (Not a post about cussing)

As is typical of me I have seen glimpses of a conversation without really knowing where it started nor participating in it.  However, I am going to comment on it.  :)

The conversation I've been hearing is about calling a Christmas tree a holiday tree.  Which is simply a follow up to other conversations in the past about store clerks saying "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas."  And both of these have a connection to conversations about whether nativities should be displayed on lawns of county courthouses. 

Before saying anything else, let me say that my thoughts are based in the following assumptions: It is okay to be Christian and to claim that. It is also okay to be not only sensitive but respectful about the people who are not.

So, for what they are worth, here are some thoughts...

When you see "Xmas" it doesn't mean someone is x-ing Christ out of Christmas.  In fact, "X" is the Greek letter chi which is the first letter of the word Christ.  "Xmas" is proper shorthand for the word Christmas.  (Technically, so a college professor told me, it would be shorthanded starting with a letter that combines the letters for chi and rho - the first two Greek letters in Christ - but since our keyboards are not equipped that way, "X" will have to do).

What about greeting from clerks?  Personally, I am delighted when a clerk tells me "Happy Holidays."  Unless I am in a store that claims a particular faith (say a Christian bookstore) I believe it is not only a safe but a kind assumption to believe that some of your customers will be other than Christian.  Therefore, it makes sense to give a greeting of the season without presuming to know about another's faith.  At the same time, I do and will happily greet my Christian friends with a jubilent "Merry Christmas."

Christmas tree or holiday tree?  Why not consider the circumstances?  A week from today when my  husband and I host a party for our church staff I have no doubt we will all call what is in our living room a Christmas tree.  That is what it is in our home and why we put it up.  However, as I drive past the lighted tree on Main St. in our town, holiday tree might be the best word.  After all, I have the pleasure of knowing many Jewish and Muslim as well as non-faith people here and the tree brings them joy as well.

Here's the thing...perhaps if we spent near as much energy being kind to one another as we do criticizing language (especially language that is meant to include) we might be better off. 

If we are really concerned about the message and meaning of Christmas then let's quit buying more stuff for our family and friends who already have too much stuff and let's use our resources not only to feed the hungry and clothe the naked and visit the lonely, but to work to change systems that keep them in such conditions. 

Perhaps, if we are really concerned with the Christian message we will take down our trees altogether and set up nativities in their place or Advent wreaths around which we gather with our children or friends as we pray that God's will might be done.

Perhaps, if we want the name of Jesus to be known we might want to start living and loving as he did.  And I suspect how we choose our language might just matter to him.


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