An Open Letter to "Bad" Parents

To all parents who have ever beat themselves up over their parenting, this letter is for you.

If you have ever said no to your child's request for a new toy because she has a room full of toys at home or because you chose to pay the electric bill or because you were saving for retirement or college...you are not a bad parent.

If you have ever yelled at your child because of other things going on rather than because of what he did and then gone and apologized to him, admitting your mistake...you are not a bad parent.

If you have ever cried in front of your child or said a bad word in front of your child or fought with your spouse in front of your child and then had a difficult conversation explaining what they saw or heard...you are not a bad parent.

If you have ever taken your clean, well-fed, loved child to school, sent them off with a hug only to realize later that it was picture day or the day they were supposed to wear their favorite color or the day they were supposed to take something else and you forgot...you are not a bad parent.

Admittedly I am a person who hesitates to use the terms "good" or "bad" for people - whether parents, children, or the clerk at the check out counter.  But this is about more than just not wanting parents to call themselves bad...I also think sometimes we need to cut ourselves a break.  After all, most of us are doing the best we can with the resources we have at the moment.  And we have morphed into this culture of people who feel guilt for what we don't give to or do for our children even when they are not hurt (and sometimes are even helped) by our actions.

So, please, before you beat yourself up over mismatched ponytail holders, limits on television time, nights when you don't read to your children, or days they leave the house in a mess...please remember this...

There are children whose parents buy crack instead of food...

There are children whose parents not only don't have pictures of them but whose parents don't care to even remember they exist...

There are children whose parents smack them around and then tell them it's their fault...

There are children who don't know their own names because their parents only call them bastard...

There are children who have never been told they are loved, have never been shown they are loved, who do not know they are loved.

If you love your child and your child knows it, even if you have room to be better, please remember - you are not a bad parent.