Saturday, May 14, 2011

Dream of This?

I doubt I'm alone when I say that I dream...

As a mother I dream of being better. I dream of taking more time for my children and having more energy. I dream of being more patient, more loving, more kind...all the things I try to teach them (sometimes in the "do as I say, not as I do" model of education).

As a pastor I dream of being better. I dream of actually getting to all those wonderful ideas which lie in stacks and sit on lists on my desk. I dream of actually visiting all those wonderful people who would benefit from some extra attention, a meaningful conversation, a loving touch. I dream of shepherding the people I serve in such a way that our little community is recognizable not just as a church but as a community of God's children.

As a wife I dream of being better. I dream of actually having energy left over at the end of the day for my husband. I dream of remembering to talk to him about the million little things I want to talk to him about over the course of the day. I dream of more time for us.

As a homeowner I dream of being better. I dream of having a cleaner house. I dream of not having piles on the table, on the counter, on the dresser...even just for a week or two. I dream of wanting to plant flowers and nurture a garden of delicious foods.

As a person I dream of being better. I dream of being kinder to strangers. I dream of continuing my education and pursuing another degree. I dream of becoming more active in my community and in my world. I dream of making a commitment to bring justice to those who it is so often taken from.

I dream. And I think there is a place for dreaming. I never want to be so content that I am unwilling or unable to become better.

And yet...sometimes I wonder how much my dreaming takes me away from where I am.

What would happen if I began to dream instead of this...my imperfect life with a struggle to balance my roles and responsibilities...my imperfect life where nothing is as neat and orderly as I wish...my imperfect life where I love and am loved. What if I allowed my life to be my dream?

3 comments:

Sharon said...

I have many of those same dreams of the perfect life. Thank you for the challenge to shift the dreaming. Will do!

Young Mom said...

This last year has been the beginning of that change for me. It still a struggle some days, but I am learning that life just happens, whether you like it or not. So I can choose to live my life in perpetual hold, and wishing and dreaming about the "someday when" I will achive my goals, OR I can live each day, and embrace whatever it is as if it is the only day I will ever have. Challenging.

Lucy The Valiant said...

Oh I love this post! I struggle with this sort of thing, and I love how you put it into perspective!